Road to nowhere
by Huusina
Summary: All the people she used to be close to are not around. The place she used to call her home isn't within her reach anymore. It's hard to forget, and there's only Tsumugu to help. So, there's only one way to move on, Chisaki conludes.


_**Wanted to try something new and had to get this out of my head. Set somewhere within the five years in the middle of the series.**_

* * *

Leaving the bus, Chisaki straightens her dress. It doesn't take her long to notice Sayama, one of her former classmates, now a proud employee of Saya Mart, and soon he's driving her home.

Chisaki lives with Tsumugu now, while his grandfather, who fell sick some time ago, stays in hospital. In fact, Chisaki is now coming back after visiting him.

"You and Tsumugu look really good together," Sayama says suddenly, and Chisaki straightens up, abruptly taken away from her thoughts. "I'm so jealous sometimes…"

He sighs, but his voice is laced with playfulness and as he takes another turn, he winks at Chisaki.

The girl only turns away and looks out of the car window, and something stirs in her at the thought that he's not the first one to say something like this.

She realizes that much time passed since…

…since she moved in Tsumugu and his grandfather's house.

She and Tsumugu live together, got to know each other better over the years and to others, they just may look like a regular couple.

She still thinks about it during dinner and Tsumugu (luckily, he managed to come early; it's so rare recently) notices immediately that something's off about her. He always does.

"Chisaki," he says simply, but the girl knows him long enough to find some softness and care in his tone.

She looks up at him. He doesn't pry, he never does, it's an amazing trait of his. Tsumugu watches her calmly and she doesn't have to say a thing, her shiny, uncertain eyes convey the message perfectly.

His gaze tells her he's been thinking about it too.

When their lips meet in a chaste kiss a couple of moments later, they tell themselves there's this indescribable tingling sensation in the pits of their stomachs.

They repeat it till they fall asleep.

The next morning, they already believe it was there.

* * *

They slip into the new routine fairly quickly. Sometimes they kiss, sometimes they hug or hold hands. There are even times that they go out somewhere or, if Tsumugu comes home early, they sit in the big room and watch a movie together. His arm makes its way around her waist and Chisaki has to admit it does feel nice to snuggle up to him in the middle of the film.

Everybody around them seems to be really happy.

Once, Tsumugu has a day off and they talk while Chisaki prepares dinner. She cuts the vegetables for curry, something she has become an expert in. Tsumugu looks calmly out of the window, observing the sea.

"We're going to change our place tomorrow," he speaks, and Chisaki knows he refers to his research. "Our guess was wrong again."

He studies the phenomena of Shioshishio. Nothing else.

"We'll try going more south… there's that good spot near the woods…"

Chisaki nods. She knows the place.

"Kana-"

She stops in her tracks, but only for a moment.

"My friend has told me about it," she doesn't look at Tsumugu as she speaks. Her voice is unnatural and she hates how it sounds, but she still forces herself to continue cutting the vegetables.

Tsumugu doesn't look at her, but he's visibly tense.

"We hope to find something there."

He's far better in controlling his voice, but they can't really continue the subject.

It's like some kind of an unvoiced pact that has developed between the two. Never mention _them_. They don't exist. They never did.

It _seems_ easier to move on that way.

It seems, because Chisaki cries that night and it takes Tsumugu a while to calm her down. As she clings to his shirt and he smoothes her hair, she tells herself that the tingling sensation is there. She repeats it till she's calm and ready to face the world again.

Tsumugu is amazing, as always, and doesn't say a thing. Sometimes a simple touch is way more comforting than any words.

Later, she cries a couple of times more. Tsumugu doesn't know, but it's okay, it gets better each day.

* * *

Chisaki doesn't cry anymore.

Tsumugu, who's been more quiet than usually for the past days, is back to his old self too.

They're okay now.

They slip into their routine again, and this time everything seems more natural. Their actions are almost automatic at this point. When Tsumugu wakes up and enters the kitchen, he kisses Chisaki's cheek. She brews his favourite coffee and waves him goodbye, before heading for her school. When Tsumugu comes back, she's already there, with a delicious dinner and a warm smile. They eat and talk and if there's time after, go for a walk or watch TV. When Chisaki's close, he holds her hand and touches her naturally, just as naturally as she fixes his clothes before he goes to work or pushes his dark hair out of his eyes. They never make mistakes. They've learnt their roles well.

Chisaki shows Tsumugu the smile every girl holds for their special ones. It was supposed to be for someone else in the past, but it doesn't matter now.

But then one day when Tsumugu comes back home, he stops immediately after noticing Chisaki. His face expression is weird and he greets her awkwardly, but doesn't join her for dinner. Chisaki's confused.

Later, he finds her in her room and kisses her.

"I'm sorry," he says and sounds sincere. He only slipped up in his role a bit earlier.

Tsumugu doesn't look at her, but Chisaki forgives him nevertheless.

* * *

Chisaki starts seeing the cracks suddenly. They seem to talk less, or rather, hesitate more before speaking. The habit not to say certain names weakens, and Chisaki finds herself involuntarily going back to certain memories that things around remind her of. She manages to push them away, but it's still scary, she thought she'd already forgotten about it all. Tsumugu doesn't help; on the contrary, it looks as if he's fighting the very same thing. There are moments he opens his mouth to say something, but he closes it soon, without uttering a word, or he looks at her and then turns away, and she just knows he thought of _them_. This hesitancy can be seen in other situations too. They don't touch as much as before, think twice before clasping their hands together, thrice before a kiss. The most natural things start to be difficult, the path they've chosen starts to be questioned. They beginning to drift apart from each other, Chisaki sees it.

What was meant to help them, bring them closer, has put a frightening gap between them. Between what they want and what they _want_.

They want to forget.

They want to move on.

But deep inside, they care for the things they want to forget, long for those sweet, carefree times to come back. No matter how they try to deny it, Chisaki still remembers _him_ and Tsumugu still remembers _her_.

Chisaki will never say it out loud though and even if Tsumugu is aware of their situation too, he never says anything.

She's preparing some material for her classes when he comes home the next day and tries hard to hide the disappointment on her face as Tsumugu locks himself in his room without even a proper greeting. It's rare for him to do so, but it's not a first time and Chisaki bites her lip. She thought he'd never have problems with pulling this off. She's been strong all this time only because she was sure he would be strong. It was reassuring. Where his strength is now, she doesn't know.

As Chisaki hears him rummaging through his room (probably looking for some papers for his research) she feels a bit sad when she thinks that something important disappeared from their relationship as they prolong their play day by day. How could we become so close, yet so distant, she thinks, and only then Tsumugu reappears.

"I-"

"You don't have to be sorry," she interrupts him gently, shaking her head, or maybe getting rid of tears.

He looks down for a moment, and then back at her.

"We might be in the right place," Tsumugu admits. "I need to get some things together."

Chisaki nods. Tsumugu looks at her one last time, affectionately, the way only she recognizes and the way she hasn't seen in a long time, before he disappears in his room again.

Chisaki doesn't know why his gaze is suddenly more confusing than comforting, although it was more sincere than everything between them for the past weeks.

* * *

Chisaki is crying like never before, a steady stream of tears flowing down her beautiful face. Her eyes are puffy and on her lips she can feel only the salty taste of her tears, and in her arms she can feel only the thin material of something she never expected to find.

She came into Tsumugu's room to tidy it only a little, since he never was a messy person, and she'd never think she'd find there the blue torn flag she remembers too well for her liking, the one _he_ waved and lost, disappearing in the vicious waters Chisaki used to call her home.

Memories of the day she wanted to forget more than anything else flood her mind. Her body shakes with every sob, and she sobs more with every memory.

She wonders when and how Tsumugu found the flag. Why he didn't tell her. I was supposed to be alright by now, she thinks, why does it affect me so much then?

"Chisaki." The soft voice in unmistakably Tsumugu's.

The girl turns to him, blinking her tears away and still holding the flag tightly. Tsumugu looks at her apologetically.

"I'm sorry, I was a bit afraid to tell you we found it," he says quietly, "I didn't know how you'd react."

Chisaki only nods, although she knows that, in the past, he'd tell her right away. And that she'd be way more calm about this. Truthfully, at this moment, there's nothing that she wants to say more than that it was all a mistake. That the performance they've been putting on for months only seemingly helps them, only gives them an impression that things got better. That in fact it destroys them from the inside, piece by piece.

She doesn't say anything though, for she doesn't know what to do if they stop. A fake relationship, they don't have anything else anymore.

Tsumugu knows that too, so he approaches her and carefully wraps his arms around her. Chisaki gives in to the warmth of his body, not even bothering to remind herself of the tingling sensation. As Tsumugu tightens his hold on her, she only wonders how long she'll last this time. How long she'll last till she breaks down completely. The blue flag is stuck somewhere between them.

The day of Tomoebi is getting dangerously close.

* * *

_**...just want to say I really want them to be together in the anime, okay?**_

_**...hope you still enjoyed.**_


End file.
